The Teen Zine 

Love, mercy, peace. That is what everyone dreams of, isn't it? And at least on New Year's Eve, it's time to, for once, let go of all the disgusting parts of humanity and let everyone live this dream – just for one day. Aron used to love fireworks. As a little kid, he’d stare out the window every New Year’s Eve, waiting for the first one. They reminded him of flowers and splashes of water. The colors so bright, everything else was dull compared to them. But for the past few years, they only reminded him of gunshots. The ones he heard one too many times. Sometimes, he’d hear them out on the streets. If he was lucky, they were too far away. But usually, he had to find a place to hide. It wasn’t safe to walk out on the street alone, that’s why Aron rarely did. Sometimes, they could be heard through the walls of his apartment building. He never cared much for his neighbors though. And sometimes, it was in the middle of the night. That was the scariest of all possibilities. If he didn't wake up, it showed in his dreams. His friends dying while he's unable to help them. That haunted him. He could only hope it wasn’t actually one of his loved ones. A few of them have already died. Not all were shot though. Some overdose themselves, or got drunk and drove too fast. Some were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. There were only a few of them left, and all the real ones were gone. Why is it that it's always the ones who deserve to live the most that have to leave first? It was getting late, close to midnight. His parents went to some party and left him home alone. They didn't really raise him – they were just…around. But they still tried their best to keep them from living on the streets. He respected them for that. Not loved – respected. The room was dark and the blinds were shut. Aron could've gone out with his friends but he chose not to. He wanted to be alone. Just for this one chaotic night. The idea of death, even though it was basically a daily routine in this part of town, felt strange to him. Not that the thought of dying never attracted him but it just felt unreal. Closing your eyes and never opening them again – without pain, without any “after” – that's almost mythical. He was sitting on his bed with his face in his hands. It was 11:55pm. The few minutes that were quiet because everyone was getting ready for the midnight chaos that many considered fun and exciting. For Aron it was just another midnight. Just another moment when the time on the clock shifts from 11:59 to 12:00 and the date on the calendar changes. Or it was supposed to be. BANG! A loud boom shook the windowpane. It wasn't far. He quickly glanced at the clock. 11:57. Too early. That's not fireworks. Then came the screams. Aron raised the blinds. He knew it was safer to stay hidden but he needed to see. There was a crowd of people running and calling for help. This wasn't just some random argument that escalated a little too much. He opened the window and the sounds became almost deafening. There was a nightclub down the street. The neon sign flickered, just like always, and the door was wide open with people desperately trying to get out. Some fell and others stepped on them as if they weren't there. The cries coming from their mouths were so inhuman. Aron didn't know where his parents went but somehow he knew they were not coming home that night – not ever. Crying was for the weak. It always only made things worse and he learned that the hard way. But that night was different, too different. He felt like that little boy again. The one that was held tightly by his mother when the landlord kicked them out of their house in the middle of a cold night. Tears started running down his cheeks and his knees gave under him. The world is a terrible place and the life he's got is one of the worst anyone could have ever lived. His friends were gone, his parents as well. No love, no mercy, no peace. Those were just dreams we all sometimes have but will never have – not even for one single day. Life is a never-ending battle. It's a fight against everything, everyone, and most importantly ourselves. And Aron finally came to the end of it. He was willing to give up in exchange for the dream. Because death was the only key to love, mercy, and peace. He got up and went to look into his father's drawer. He knew exactly what to look for. His parents didn't want him to know it was there or even know they owned it at all. But he knew. And it was really right there. The polished surface sparkled in the moonlight that was now coming in through the uncovered window. There really was the cartoon-like sparkle that outlined the sharp edges as he picked it up. It was loaded. His father always had it ready, just in case. If he ever found out Aron knew where it was, he'd hide it even better, or completely get rid of it, just so that he couldn't get to it. But that was all over. He will never find out now. It wasn't a hard decision. There was no one left to write letters to. Nothing to look forward to. No brighter tomorrows. The clock was counting down the last second to midnight. 3, 2, 1… A new year started and fireworks filled the sky. So beautiful, isn't it? P.S.: “Loud bangs echoed through the streets. Bright, colorful fireworks filled the sky. For some, they symbolize a brighter future. For others, they just show how fast we can forget about someone's life, no matter how beautiful and memorable it was and how quickly even our lives can pass. No one knows which one of those terrible sounds killed our son. All we know is that we shouldn't have left him alone that night. It might have all turned out differently if we didn't. We used to love watching fireworks with Aron. We were the first kind of people – the one filled with hope. Seeing the lights reflect from his wide-open eyes is something we will never forget. Thank you Aron for filling out lives with love, at least for those 16 years. Love, Mom and Dad” – in memory of Aron, 1/1/****